What You Gossip About Reveals Who You Really Are
- RHONDA SCIORTINO
- 22 hours ago
- 3 min read
Updated: 19 hours ago
Before you speak about someone else ask yourself this...
What we say about people when they aren’t there reveals a great deal about our character.
We’ve all known people who “dish” about others who aren’t in the room. Sometimes they’re trying to be funny. Sometimes it’s a way to fit in. Others claim they’re just “venting” or “sharing.”
But regardless of the justification, gossip is unfair, potentially damaging, and wrong.
Gossiping says a lot about the person doing it. Why do they feel the need to tear down someone else? What’s lacking in their life? What insecurities do they have that makes them feel better after they’ve violated a confidence or exposed the worst thing about someone else?
Do they not have anything more meaningful to talk about? No interesting ideas? No good accomplishments? No issues about which they are passionate? No places they’ve gone, things they’ve learned, or books, music, and experiences worth discussing?
Gossip tears people down, destroys relationships, and reveals some of the worst parts of our character.
So let’s define it clearly.
Gossip is talking negatively about another person without that person present to defend themselves.
In practical terms, gossip is deeply unfair.
When we talk negatively about someone who is not present, they are not there to explain themselves, defend themselves, or give the context behind their words, attitudes, or behaviors. We do not walk in other people’s shoes. We often have no idea what pain, pressure, fear, heartbreak, trauma, exhaustion, or circumstances may have influenced the way they acted.
And it is not our place to judge.
We can usually recognize gossip by its purpose. If the goal of the conversation is to damage the way others see someone, elevate oneself in the eyes of others, gain sympathy from the listener, or all of the above, it has crossed the line into gossip.
That can cause real harm.
Words are powerful. Once an opinion about someone is planted in another person’s mind, it can be very difficult to undo. Reputations can be destroyed. Relationships can be damaged. Trust can be broken. Entire groups of people can turn against someone based on one side of a story.
But let’s also be careful not to confuse all conversation with gossip.
Not every discussion about another person is wrong.
If you share information because you genuinely want others to celebrate someone, support them, pray for them, help them, protect them, or better understand a situation in a healthy and constructive way, that is very different from gossip.
It all comes down to our intention in sharing information.
Before sharing something about another person, it’s wise to pause and ask ourselves a few important questions that could prevent enormous damage:
Would I say this if they were standing beside me?
Would I want someone saying this about me?
What do I hope to accomplish by sharing this information?
Is it helpful?
Could it be hurtful?
Am I speaking from love, wisdom, and concern—or from insecurity, frustration, pride, jealousy, hurt, or a desire for attention or sympathy?
If after considering all these questions, you still want to talk to someone to help process feelings or strategize about an approach or some other constructive conversation about an issue you have with someone, then do so with a trusted friend who can help. The intention here is to resolve an issue—not to throw someone under the bus.
Wise people understand that protecting another person’s dignity says just as much about us as anything we could ever say about them.
Lastly, but certainly not the least is that the Bible tells us that gossip is one of seven things that God hates. That alone should make us stop and think carefully before we speak negatively about another person. Proverbs 6:16–19 says, “There are six things God hates, and a seventh He detests: pride, lies, murder, people who pursue wickedness, people who rush into mischief, false accusations, and those who gossip.”
If you like this, check out Rhonda's Substack
Rhonda Sciortino used the lessons she learned through the abandonment, neglect and abuse to create peace and joy and to help others do the same. Her books are little books filled with big ideas. Her goal is to simplify complicated ideas that leave many people discouraged because even after reading, they still don't know how to apply the concepts to their lives. Rhonda's books attempt to provide a clear "how to" so that readers are left encouraged, hopeful and energized to create their own peace and joy.
This was a really thought-provoking read. I liked how it explored the idea that what we say about others often reflects more about our own mindset and character than we realize. The connection between everyday conversations, judgment, and self-awareness was especially interesting, because it makes you reflect on your own habits in a very honest way. It also highlights how important it is to be mindful of the way we speak about people when they’re not present, since those patterns can quietly shape how we are perceived by others. It’s similar to how structure and clarity matter in academic work too, where many students look for Best Assignment Writing Service to help organise their ideas more effectively and present their…