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When we feel jealousy about how someone else looks, what they have, the good breaks they seem to be getting, and the fabulous life they seem to be living, it’s a sign that we’re out of touch with our purpose. We’re focusing outward instead of inward.

Jealousy is the result of not knowing your unique identity and the purpose for which you were created. When you know those things, you know all you need to know to achieve personal and professional success.

Before gossip magazines and 24 hour news cycles, there was an old saying that went, “Mind Your Own Business.” This meant, “quit looking at the lives of others and take care of your own life.” Our fascination with what the Kardashians are saying, doing, wearing, etc., (or what your neighbor, co-worker, or family member is doing) is an example of our outward focus. We will never discover our unique identity and purpose while we are admiring others and their fascinating lives.

We weren’t put on this earth to live anyone else’s life but our own. It’s a sad mistake to want to be “the next” Oprah, “the next” J.K. Rowling, or “the next” Beyoncé. The sadness in that mistake is twofold—we don’t get to enjoy our authentic success if we’re trying to be like someone else, and the world misses out on the person we were supposed to become if we fail to find and fulfill our unique purpose. Tragic.

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with studying the lives of people we truly admire. These should be people who have accomplished meaningful things that have changed the world in a positive way. From these people we can learn their perspectives, their strategies, and the wisdom they learned throughout their lifetimes. This is a noble use of our time—so long, that is, that we aren’t trying to become them, but rather to allow them to be our teachers.

We should be very careful about who we learn from. When we want to learn about managing money, we want to choose someone who has successfully learned to earn, retain, and grow their money, not someone who has gone bankrupt. When we want to learn how to repair our car, we don’t ask a hairdresser. Likewise, when we want to learn how to cut and color our hair, we don’t go to the auto mechanic. Choose people who can teach you valuable lessons. These can be people you know or people who are long gone (think Ben Franklin).

As long as you give attention and time to what others are doing and enjoying, and don’t focus on discovering your own character traits, strengths, talents, learned abilities, natural personality, coping skills, passions, and those things that grieve you, all of which form your authentic identity and lead you to your purpose, you’ll be vulnerable to feelings of jealousy.


You are awesome. Your purpose is unique in all the world. There are people whose lives will be enriched by you when you are actively fulfilling your purpose. What are you waiting for? Quit standing on the sidelines of the lives of others, and start moving toward YOUR REAL SUCCESS.

If you’re not sure what to do first, go to Or email me,

About the author: Rhonda Sciortino, author of Succeed Because of What You’ve Been Through, used the coping skills from an abusive childhood to start her own business and develop it, along with her other investments, into a multi-million dollar balance sheet. Through her writing, speaking, and media appearances, she shares how others can use the obstacles in their lives as stepping stones to a great future.

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