30 Days to Love: Healing Your Heart and Transforming Your Life

The loss of love leaves us wounded. Genuine love heals us. So if we want to heal all the hurts that leave us sad and depressed, the answer is love.

We have all felt that awful feeling of losing someone we didn't want to lose. It is terrible, especially when it involves rejection. The feeling of being left behind, unwanted and unloved is one of the most painful experiences we can go through.

Feeling unloved can diminish or even destroy our potential. Think about it: people who feel loved and valued are more confident. They are more willing to step out of their comfort zone to take risks like applying for a job that feels slightly out of reach, starting their own company, or asking someone who seems out of their league out on a date.

People who have love in their lives know that even if they do not get the job or the date or if they fail at the new company, they will be okay because they know they are loved for who they are, not what they are able to do. They know that their value is not determined by the times they've fallen short of their goals or by their worst experiences.

People who do not feel loved and valued are less likely to take risks because when it doesn't work out, the feeling of failure is tied up with their identity rather than in one specific situation. They don't see themselves as failing at one thing. Instead they see themselves as failures or losers. When they have no one who loves them to encourage them to get up, dust themselves off, and get back in the game, that feeling of being a loser goes unchallenged. After they experience these types of failures over and over, many people believe the lie that they are losers and they quit trying at all. As a result, these people are left with unexplored potential and unfulfilled purpose.

We all need someone who believes in us, who cheers us on, who loves us when we are doing well and who still loves us when we aren't. The consequences of not having at least one person in our corner can be sadness, depression, and maybe even despair. These are all needlessly dismal outcomes because it costs nothing to believe in someone and for someone else to believe in us.

Love heals. When we feel loved, we feel better. So by now you're probably asking: "how can we get this healing, transformational love?"

There are simple actions that we can take that inevitably lead to a life of love.

It's natural to wish that we had that special someone in our lives who will give us the unconditional love that will heal our hearts. The problem with that thinking is that it puts all the responsibility on someone else. That gives too much control to one person. Our love and happiness should never depend solely on another human being because, well, they're human. They're fallible. No one human can keep us feeling loved, healed and whole.

The one thing that is guaranteed to work is for us to give love to others. When we give love, we feel better. Yes, I said GIVE love, not wait to get love from someone else. Not go searching for someone who will love us. Not try to somehow persuade others to love us.

Don't waste the precious irredeemable time of your life waiting around for someone to give you the life-giving love that you need to feel healed and whole, happy and confident.

That doesn't mean that we have to give love without ever receiving any in return. Love WILL come back to you. Love always splashes back up on the person who is giving it.

The love that you give to others may come back to you from those to whom you give it, but it may not. Some people don't have the capacity to return your love. But don't worry about that. Love can surprise you and come from someone else, someone new in your life, someone from whom you never expected it!

When we decide to live a life of love, and we take the steps that are necessary to do that, it doesn't take long before other people start sharing their love with us. This can look like acts of kindness, invitations from others, words of encouragement, thoughtful gestures, tender embraces, and so much more. Every one of these things that comes your way will enrich your life and go a little way toward healing your heart.

There are 30 specific steps that you can take to start the journey that heals your heart and transforms your life. They're all in my book, 30 Days to Love. Here's Day 1:

DAY 1

LOVE YOURSELF

“Loving yourself first doesn’t make you vain or selfish—

it makes you indestructible.” --Anonymous

Love yourself! Many people hope to find someone to love and who will love them. The first step to finding the right person is to love yourself. Yes, that is right. It sounds counterintuitive, but it is true.

Think about it. People are attracted to people who are loving and kind. So, if we want to attract the right people into our lives, we need to act like the kind of people we want in our lives. We must be willing and ready to love and to receive love.

The challenge is that many of us do not love ourselves. Some of us do not even really like ourselves. When asked to describe ourselves, most of us start off with a long list of all the things that we wish were different or that we would like to change. We talk about what we do for a living or about our family or where we’re from, but rarely do we meet a person who rattles off a long list of all the awesome things about themselves! Most of us would find that extremely awkward. We avoid anything that sounds boastful or that could be perceived as arrogant.

There is nothing wrong with liking ourselves and having love for ourselves. How can we expect anyone else to love us if we do not think that there is anything lovable about us? The truth is that each of us is lovable in our own way, and it is not arrogant to believe that!

You cannot expect someone else to come along and give you love when you are not willing to love yourself. And you cannot give love to anyone else if you have none in your heart because you cannot give what you do not have. So if you want to give love to others, the logical place to start is in loving yourself.

It does not matter who should have loved you but did not, or who let you down, or whether or not anyone has ever loved you. Know this:

You are worthy

You are lovable

You are awesome

You are full of good character traits, personality traits, abilities, strengths and natural talents. Do not forget that you have a unique perspective that has been formed by all of your life experiences. You have wisdom that others do not have because of your life experiences. Do not dismiss any of these things as no big deal, assuming that everyone has them. Everyone does not have the combination of the things you have that make you

unique in all the world.

“Love yourself enough to set boundaries. Your time and energy are precious. You get to choose how you use it. You teach people how to treat you by deciding what you will and won’t accept.” —Anna Taylor

Meditation

I am worthy. I am lovable. I am unique in all the world. I am awesome.

Action

• I will list my best character traits, like resilience, resourcefulness, or patience.

• I will list my best personality traits, like being a good listener, being a good friend, or being

trustworthy.

• I will list some of the things that I know how to do, like cook, fix things, or encourage others.

Regardless of what you think is wrong with you, or what you think you lack, remember always that you are “FLAWSOME,” which means that you are someone who acknowledges their “flaws” and recognizes that they are awesome regardless!

On a scale of 1–10, 10 being highest, how would you rate your love for yourself? How will you increase your score?

As you begin your journey into a life of love, it can be difficult, especially if you've been hurt. You will be better able to do it if you begin to love yourself. You are lovable. You are worthy of love. You are more than your worst experiences. Start today and you'll see that it's true. Here's to your new life of Love.

Rhonda Sciortino lived the first part of her life without love. Her parents left her. Her caregivers abused her. And as a result, she believed that she wasn't lovable and that no one would ever love her. That was all before a 14-year-old girl, a teacher, an insurance agent, Jesus, and ultimately the man who became her husband came into her life. Each of them (especially Jesus Who orchestrated it all) poured love into her empty heart until finally it was overflowing.

Living outside of the purpose for which you were born and perfectly matched leaves you with a sense of dissatisfaction. It can lead to depression and despair. The good news is that when you live your purpose, you love your life.

Your purpose involves healthy relationships with good people, a sense of peace that replaces chaos and dysfunction, joy that is so much better than superficial happiness, financial provision for whatever you were born to do, and an overall sense of wellness and contentedness that you can't get any other way.

YOU can change the world by living your purpose! Listen to the Find Your Purpose Now podcast wherever you get your podcasts.